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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes
- I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The funniest things are the forbidden.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes
- If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- " ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes