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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Absence - that common cure of love.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- "She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Only the shallow know themselves.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes