Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Function Quotes

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Function Quotes

NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Process Quotes , Latter Quotes

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Science Quotes

art, n. This word has no definition.

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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Giving Quotes

Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

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Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Cooking Quotes

YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Cities Quotes

PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes

INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Justice Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Hypocrite Quotes

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

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Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Worship Quotes

Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Vision Quotes , World Quotes

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Creation Quotes , Existence Quotes

DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Grieving Quotes , Glasses Quotes