Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Science Quotes, Arsenic Quotes

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

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INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.

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HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , West Indies Quotes

TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Taken Quotes , Home Quotes

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.

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PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

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Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.

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Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

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plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

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TAKE, v.t. To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

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FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

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REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

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Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.

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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

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