Adam Carolla Quotes, Smell Quotes, Judging Quotes

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smell Quotes , Judging Quotes

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Army Quotes , Government Quotes

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Podcasting Quotes , Form Quotes

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Joy Quotes

I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Television Quotes , Radio Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Stupid Quotes , Successful Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Radio Quotes , Express Yourself Quotes

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mom Quotes , Kind Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Accomplishment Quotes , Feel Good Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Comedian Quotes

Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Women Quotes