Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

I think war is a dangerous place.

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How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

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Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.

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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

'Tis a superstition to insist on a special diet. All is made at last of the same chemical atoms.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

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The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

6 years ago

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Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes