Muhammad Ali Quotes, Funny Quotes, Motivational Quotes

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave.

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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

5 years ago

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Tags : Edgar Allan Poe Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pain Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My best training came from my father.

5 years ago

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes