Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

5 years ago

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

5 years ago

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes