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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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- Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin.
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- Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
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- Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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- FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.
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- DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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- To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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- WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
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- MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.
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- Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.
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- LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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- Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.
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- Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
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- OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .
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- Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.
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- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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- Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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- Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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