Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Years Quotes, Leeches Quotes

You can effect a change of robbers every four years. Inestimable privilege - to pull off the glutted leech and attach the lean one! And you can not even choose among the lean leeches, but must accept those designated by the programmers and showmen who have the reptiles on tap!

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Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

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HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

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alone, adj. In bad company.

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REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

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Example is better than following it.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

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REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

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LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

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NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

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Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

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FORCE, n. "Force is but might," the teacher said p/ "That definition's just."/ The boy said naught but throught instead,/ Remembering his pounded head:/ "Force is not might but must!"

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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