Adam Carolla Quotes, Cards Quotes

I am not a good cue card reader.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Leaving Quotes

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Mean Quotes , Should Have Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Boxing Quotes

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Pay Quotes

I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Feelings Quotes , Trying Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Definitions Quotes

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Radio Quotes , Express Yourself Quotes

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Night Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Media Quotes , Worried Quotes

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes

There are certain things women are better at than men.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Men Quotes

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Want Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes