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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes
- The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Depression Quotes
- I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes