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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Real Quotes
- I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- I shall write a book some day about the appropriateness of names. Geoffrey Chaucer has a ribald ring, as is proper and correct, and Alexander Pope was inevitably Alexander Pope. Colley Cibber was a silly little man without much elegance and Shelley was very Percy and very Bysshe.
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Tags : James Joyce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes
- Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Absence - that common cure of love.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Never confuse movement with action.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes