Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Kings Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

5 years ago

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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes