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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- "The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , America Quotes
- If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes