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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes
- The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
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Tags : Abbie Hoffman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dope Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.
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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.
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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes