Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aimee Mullins Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Compassion Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Ayckbourn Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

6 years ago

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

6 years ago

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The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

More and more of our imports are coming from overseas

5 years ago

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Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smart Quotes

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes