Lord Byron Quotes, Funny Quotes, Happiness Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

5 years ago

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We were together. I forget the rest.

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.

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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes