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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes
- My rackets are run on strictly American lines and they're going to stay that way.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Basketball Quotes