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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
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- Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.
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- NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
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- BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
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- Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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- GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.
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- VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
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- The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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- ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
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- QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.
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- Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.
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- BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.
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- Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
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- PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
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- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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- A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
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- POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.
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- COMPULSION, n. The eloquence of power.
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- MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
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- War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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