Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

5 years ago

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes

But the peasants - how do the peasants die?

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes