Leo Tolstoy Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

The covers of this book are too far apart.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

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Tags : Edgar Allan Poe Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pain Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes