Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

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Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

6 years ago

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Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

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God created sex. Priests created marriage.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

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One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

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True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

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We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes