Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.

6 years ago

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes