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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes
- Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes
- A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes