Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

5 years ago

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

5 years ago

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes