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Funny Quotes 957
- On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns.
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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes
- How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.
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Tags : Abigail Van Buren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
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Tags : A. A. Milne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes
- A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.
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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes