Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wire Quotes

Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All art is quite useless.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

No sane man will dance.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes