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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- But the peasants - how do the peasants die?
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- ...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes
- I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.
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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes