Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes