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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- No sane man will dance.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes
- It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fake People Quotes
- The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes