Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Stupid Quotes

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Gore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes