Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. J. Liebling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Media Control Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hockey Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes