Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes