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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes
- Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes
- Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.
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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes
- Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes